Spent my Saturday night tired, peeved and looking for a jobs. I sent out my resumes and cover letters at least ten different times tonight and I am more than certain every single one of them had some sort of mistake.
BUT Lord, through my anger, I was exposed to so much of myself that I thought was gone. This was the breaking point I need, and now I know why these events have unfolded. Thank you for this. I just wish I didn’t have to such an emotional and embarrassing experience.
What do I do next, Lord? How do I take the steps for reconciliation when there are so many thorny vines to cut down?
———-But at work today———-
A six-year old boy waiting for his cousin to finish her dance class likes to keep me company. He tells me I’m pretty, draws me pictures and writes me stories. This is a portrait of me:
Some notes on Thanksgiving, from Pastor Martin Chang’s sermon.
LUKE 17: 11-19 NIV 15 One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. 16 He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan. 17 Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? 18 Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” 20 Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.”
People from all over go about writing letters to God, whether they are down on their luck or just proclaiming their love. Letters addressed to God get sent to a special department in Israel, where they get sorted through.
The postal workers’ favorite anecdote is about an Israeli man who, years ago, wrote a letter to God describing his crippling poverty and asking for 5,000 shekels ($1,000). Postal workers were so moved they collected 4,300 shekels and mailed it back.
”After a month, the same person writes again to God,” Rabihiya recalled, ”but this time he writes, ‘Oh, thank you God for the contribution, but next time please don’t send it through those postmen. They’re thieves; they stole 700 shekels.’ ”
“The bigger our sense of entitlement, the smaller our sense of gratitude …. [Our entitlement mindset] has led to a proliferation of lawsuits: when we don’t get something we really want, we sue somebody.” John Ortberg
San Francisco Giants sued for giving gifts only to men on Fathers Day.
Psychologist sued for sexual harassment because of mistletoe at Christmas party.
Psychic received $986,000 for impaired psychic ability after getting a CAT scan.
GIFTS OF GRATITUDE
1. HUMILITY & REVERENCE
“Pride slays thanksgiving, but a humble mind is the soil out of which thanks naturally grow. A proud man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.” Henry Ward Beecher
“Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.” John Milton
Gratitude as the “mother of joy”
"Envy is resenting God’s goodness to others and ignoring God’s goodness to me.” Rick Warren
Focal Point: Study tracking Olympic medal winners: Silver medal winners significantly less joyful than bronze medal winners.
PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7 NIV 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
TRAINING GRATITUDE from Margaret Visser, “Gift of Thanks” Study on teaching children social ettiquette Spontaneously said: “Hi”: 27% “Goodbye”: 25% “Thank you”: 7% prompted by parents “Hi”: 28% “Goodbye”: 33% “Thank you”: 51% The stress on gratitude is significantly greater, but not as easily said freely.
Even the first meal on the moon was derived from gratitude.
FIRST MEAL ON MOON: LAST SUPPER
APOLLO 11, Sunday July 20, 1969 BUZZ ALDRIN “”I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, bears much fruit.”
Rick Warren says “Satan wants you to think that your Sin and temptation are unique so you must keep them a secret.” (The Purpose Driven Life)
Is there a single day where you haven’t thought about at least fifty events where you have done wrong in your life? Where you haven’t thought about the broken relationships, and so desperately wanted to mend them but know that either the time isn’t right, or the opportunity was missed?
Am I falling into the trap of self-deception, thinking that these things affect anyone other than myself? Probably. But bad blood is testament to the former idea.
Why do I even feel this way? Why does this matter so much to me?
Is it a God-given guilt? Or Satan’s distractions?
I hope this is just a phase. A very long-term phase. Just a phase, just a phase, just a phase, just a phase, just a phase.
I need to start taking more risks. Through an emotionally turbulent vacation, the nature of my neurotic heart was exposed.
I didn’t want to get the West Nile Virus so I doused myself with Off Bug Repellant until my nail polish came off. I didn’t want to risk the possibility of drowning, so I denied a persistent invitation to water tubing. I thought the lake was mucky, so I left the group to soak in the pool. I am beyond awful at relinquishing control, so I get nauseous on a simple boat ride. I become a wallflower in fear of making the wrong impression and I babble in fear of being a wallflower. I didn’t do anything on this long awaited vacation that provoked any discernible and positive sentiment.
Why should I be so apprehensive over every facet of life? Shouldn’t I be more disturbed over the fact that I’m not living a fruitful and dynamic life with Christ? Shouldn’t I enjoy the adventures He has planned for me? I consistently find myself in a paralyzing fear, that it prevents me from doing what He asks of me: to love.
Oy, so much self-reflecting to do, since I know this is barely grazing the surface of my neurosis.
SO I CUT OFF ALL MY HAIR. GOODBYE FEAR-OF-LOOKING-LIKE-A-BOY.